Rest In Peace, Helga!

 Rest in Peace, Helga!

Helga, you know that you are always in my heart though circumstances kept us apart. I am deeply saddened by your passing but I am thankful that you are now together with Thomas and Wallo, and that you have not to worry again.

Thank you for all your kind deeds and may your good soul Rest In Peace, my dearest Helga!

I have you in my heart. Giving you a tight hug for your kindness to me and to some children of Albay, Legazpi, Philippines.

You are so loved! 

 

 

The Change at 55

Quitting a job at the age of 55 turned out as a good decision for me.

Yes, sometimes, we have to dare a step to make changes.

 After three (3) long years of enduring a toxic work climate, I resigned from my previous work without knowing what would come next for me. It was quite a challenge for me to start again at the age of fifty five. 

Good, that I have my widower's pension. With a regular source of income as security for my basic needs, the option  to get rid of a nasty person was easy.

Six months of unemployment gave me some time to pamper myself. I have written a lot of application letters, attended some job interviews, and turned down some job offerings which did not meet my expectations. I was choosy. I do not like those shift, weekend and holidays work attendance anymore after working for seventeen (17) years in the field of nursing.

LIFE QUALITY I WANT!

Away from destructive, unhappy people!

I have done my part in the past.

It is time for me to live again!

Get a job that satisfies and meet my living expectations.

Because am I not getting any younger!

The decision paid off. My first Video Job Interview went well. I got the job after thirty (30) Minutes! I could start two days after.

In a wink of an eye-here I am again.

Just like starting all over again. But satisfied, calmed and happier.

Have a good Sunday, my dear readers!

  

               

 

Sir Anton is...... ssshhhhsshh

He is so adorable, isn't he?     

Quersumme 11

The Three-Star-Menu with a tedious five and a half hours of preparation but with a delicious ending!

Thank you, A.F. for this unique gift!  

 

We will miss you, Pochie!

 Our family dog, Pochie, seven (7) years old, has gone missing two weeks ago. It is saddening but am

hoping that this lovely dog is being taken good care of.  Whereever you are, Pochie... we are missing you! 

My niece, Nianne, with Pochie.

Resilience is my everyday`s agendum!

Each day to live in harmony and to experience a quiet, peaceful moment is quite a challenge nowadays.

There are times that I ask myself: "Why am I still in this situation?" 

In a wink of an eye, for sure, I can make a change.

Deep in my heart, I know, that there is a better place other than where I am today.

I have to decide. 

Do I want to continue to live with an empty, unhappy life?

Material things do not satisfy. 

I can live in minimalism and less comfort, but I cannot live with careless thoughts and false affection.

Love has nothing to do with it at all!   

 

Worst Than a Covid-19!

The happenings of March 02, 2020, at my work was dreadful.

After more than two (2) years of going through unequal and discriminating treatment, I decided to leave my workplace to save a tad of my self-esteem and dignity.

Surely, it was heartbreaking to give up some good friends behind, and yes, a chore that still require the knowledge of medical terms that go with my Nursing
profession.

It was a Monday of awakening, reaching the last millimeters of my boundaries,
hence saying STOP - to an abusive use of power! 

Allow nobody to discriminate you! I can lose wealth and money but I cannot afford to lose my dignity!

   

Wishing you a good fight, Mary!

Huge obstacles we are facing nowadays....
and when things go topsy-turvy,
the best thing to do
is to activate resiliency
with the help of
the family.

This is a picture of my niece Mary, taken last December 2009, during the 70th Birthday Celebration of Mama Naty in Trece Martirez, Cavite, Philippines.

Mary is the daughter of my Ate Cora (see picture below, 3rd from the left) and Kuya Gerd, (2nd from the left) and the mother of my grandnephew Keno (2nd from the left) and grandniece Celine (1st from the right, next to me). 
By the way, why am I reposting old photographs??
The answer is simple:
Struggling through hard times nowadays, reminds me of those good times in the past. As Mama Naty once told me:
"When you are full of sorrows,
remember only the good things, nothing else".

I dare to say, having survived some hardships during my fifty four years on this earth, Mama Naty's advice was and still is, the cut above the rest, to be able to
tackle the difficulties facing the menaces of the present times.

 

Added to the fears of catching the pandemic 2019 Novel Coronavirus Disease, our family is facing acute and chronic illnesses as well. Tough times indeed, and we are being tumbled down of appalling events here in Germany as well as in the Philippines. 

Battling against all these hiccups, we, as family, who have encountered and survived difficulties in the past, try to stand firmly on our feet, trying to tighten the rope that binds us.

Kuya Gerd, Celine and Mary during a walk along Weser River in Bremen, Germany
last Saturday, 01 March 2020. 

Keno, Mary's eldest son, who recently turned eighteen (18), and is now trying to stand on his own feet, visited us last Saturday, 01 March 2020 in Bremen.

Remembering a special day in Norden, Northern Germany.

Laughters.....

As we approach our difficulties, I wish and hope that we remain calm and bouyant to all those strong waves coming into our shores.

I sincerely wish Mary a winning streak over her fight against her "villain".

"GO, FIGHTER!"

Introducing Anton, Turning 8

"Sir Anton, 8"

Reminiscing The First Year With Him

The First "Anton Encounter" At The Shelter

The picture above was taken short before we left the shelter after waiting for sometime, almost giving up our intention to get him out of the shelter. It was only a matter of seconds that he popped his head up, as if saying:
 "Seriously??? You  really want me to mess up  with you, folks???"

"THEN GET ME OUT OF HERE"


That was the hitting point. 
After a walk around the park nearby the 
Animal Shelter,
 reckoning the pros and cons,
we decided to pick him up the next day.

As expected, coping up with his new family and home, Sir Anton was quite aloof and hid himself most of the time, and wheezed when approached, but as days passed by, he started to roam around  in a cautious but gladdened manner.

Sir Anton At Ease

It has been more than a year that Kota had passed. The year-mourning is over, and it is my pleasure to introduce Sir Anton, turning eight (8) in July this year.

Anton is from an Animal Shelter  in Bremen, Germany.  Only four (4) weeks after Kota`s heavenly exit, my friend and I thought life is not worthy without a cat, and so, he now takes over Kota's place. Surely, Kota still has a special place in our hearts that can never be replaced. Just like the other cats I had in the Philippines who, as time passed by, one after another vanished.

Sir Anton (the "Sir" we added to his original name, as to give it a unique and a personal touch coming in to his second family) was given up by his former family due to illness. We learned that he had difficulties in the shelter, refused food, and easily got irritated when he is being approached by the shelter personnel.

He was there for four (4) months (November 2018 to  19 February 2019). His saddened face at the Animal Shelter's Website caught our attention, and yes, it was love at the first sight.

As we visited him at the shelter, we barely had seen him. We were told that he is quite aloof, and he hid most of the time, just getting out to get some food and water. At first, he was alone in a cage, refused to eat, and the shelter put him together with two (2) female cats in a spacious room, but he refused to get along with them. We were told though, that he regained his appetite and started to eat well. Later, as I saw him, I must mention that he was very well fed.

Anton´s Portrait As Seen In Internet

One can notice the Metamorphosis in his facial expression... a lovely, and sometimes naughty
Sir Anton!    

Some days after, realizing that his new home is safe.  

The picture above is Sir Anton's "Donkey Way". Quite silly but I called it spontaneously a donkey gesture, even the move has nothing to do with a donkey  but it sounds funny though. He would do "The Donkey Way" when he knows that we would feed him.

We (my friend and I) have Sir Anton since February 19, 2019.

Giving him a second chance to get another family (us!) was 
the pick of the bunch of 2019!

Please, dear readers of mine, give another creature a chance. 
Visit your next Animal Shelter soon!

   

Farewell, my dearest Kota!

Unconditional affection it was!

Here is to you, my dearest, friendliest, and cuddliest KOTA!

Only the good times together with you I will remember, for your memories should linger as compassionate, loving, and tender.

My heartfelt gratitude for the happiness and comfort you gave me through the years we were together. I feel lucky and privileged to have you as my closest soul mate, play fellow and bossom friend. 

And yes, when I was sick, you gave me strength, ardor, and the reason to be on my feet again. 

You were one of the reasons why am I standing still! Though sad of your sudden departure, I am somehow grateful that I knew deep in my heart that you did not suffer. Awful those moments watching how you tried to sip some water but you couldn`t!

The helplessness I felt was dreadful and heartbreaking!

You would wake me up in the morning before my alarm went off by tapping me directly unto my face with your moistened nose and mouth, with your saliva pouring down your lips when you were so excited. Not that hard, but not that gentle either, giving me that "needed shower" that would ignite my day. 

Your presence is being felt, and will stay. You might be physically absent but your spirit remains and I can feel your gentle and sincere affection every day.

Please do not cry ever again, Kota, my dearest. I have you ..... here!



      

  


  

The First Message of 2019

"The care and sensitivity you show to others will be returned to you" - was the message of my first Fortune Cookie I opened last Tuesday, January 01, 2019.

I do expect nothing for my past deeds in return. I rather live frugally on surprise.

But on second thought, why not? Returns would not be bad, and I can pay it forward. I would need it for a project I want to start on and push through for a needy family in Quirangay, Camalig, Albay this 2019.

To my mind, I have to try because I know that I am the only hope of Margie, a deserving student, who is forced to give up her college classes to take care of her mentally-ill mother.  An additional burden of being harrassed by her landlord makes her daily life more difficult to live.  

I have to lend a hand. I am lucky enough to be in Germany. Here I have some friends who could also extend help. I just need to say a word.

The urge to help is persistent.                                       

In Control of my Reality

No excuses for not writing. I was busy with my new field of work.  Getting a completely distinct assignment in Histology and Pathology Coding required a lot of research and studies. I needed a half year nourishing my brain cells with those
ICD Codes.

Recuperating from a chronic lung illness, I was into procrastinating things in the past. It took eight (8!) months before my health worsened. I was complaining to my house doctor that there is something wrong in me, steadily losing my endurance and vitality from March to November 2018! Lucky am I, that the damages are reversible. Hopefully.  The treatment for a chronich pneumonia is high dose of cortison to be taken for eight (8!) weeks. So in my case.

Lucky eight, as Feng Shui defines. Hopefully, it applies also to my case. Eight months of suffering until the right diagnosis is found, and eight weeks of high- dose cortison treatment. Mid January 2019 will be the Computer Tomography Control. By that time, my Middle Lung should be intact once again. I can notice an improvement though. I can breathe freely again, and can climb the stairs without coughing and pain.

Yes, health is very important. Without it, life quality suffers, and it made me realize that am I still is....

in control of my reality.

 Merry Christmas!

P.S. My Mama Naty would have turned 79 today. Happy Birthday, Mama, have fun in Heaven.         

A long pause...

Urge to write was not existent from Summer 2017 to date, nor the inspiration to do so.

Days passed swiftly, with the usual ups and downs of life, and changes came about.

Finding the right job after a strenuous learning consumed time, but it paid off. Most importantly, I have an occupation which is theoretically still is connected to my previous profession as a Nurse. Working as a Medical Coder at the Cancer Registry of Bremen in Germany makes me feel proud of what I have accomplished in Germany. At last, hardwork begets recognition and satisfaction.

A new dwelling in the midst of "Viertel", a cultural scene in Bremen, Germany, is inhabited in December 2017. A desired metamorphosis which saved a relationship. This precipitous change triggered turbulences, not only financially but also physically and psychologically.

Calming down, replenishing, as well as giving away edgy and distressing thoughts, and reckoning up life matters require my fullest attention nowadays. Throughout all these processes, I am fully aware that I should not forget to stand still, remain brave, and be resilient against disturbances. Above all, I have to remind myself always to be -

self-effacing, and yet, complacent.

2018 is a lucky year. My turn!


 

Lucidity of the mind...

is a must nowadays!

How to stay calm and reasonable, and mindful of emotions these days is not very easy.

I should not see nor feel any balky nor should I think repugnant of a person's provocation. This would only make someone important.

This person and the situation is not important at all. I exist, and I am not here to please others nor to dance to their music. If  someone cannot accept my existence in this world, then it is one's problem, not mine.

Though intimidated, significantly, I have to take care of myself and how I feel is on top of the list. 

So? Delete. Move and think forward! Happiness is my own business. I am the one who can change things. Expecting from others is not the right thought.  

Healthy egoism, so to speak!   

My heed is to find not the perfect place under the sun, but at least, an abode where I can freely move and do things whenever and whereever I want.

Time for a change! 


        

An urge to write...

.... did not exist for almost five months!

What a pair of white Leguano Barefoot Shoes can do for me to write down my thoughts in a wink of an eye!

Awakened. Inspired. Trying to get away from physical pains. Thankful. 

Whatsoever!

Well, I passed the Examinations last February 2017, and I can call myself now as a Medical Coder, but opted not to work on this area. 

For personal reasons. For I thought, giving a relationship a chance after those career years was the best step I can do. 

We are still together. In the midst of a forest.

Thing is, how to continue life and living from here?

I tried to get a part-time job as a Nurse, and I was proud of the thought belonging to the German Red Cross Community, well, for at least, two (2!) days!  

Not for me. Healthwise. It is a pity.

Everything happens for a reason!!???!!

So there should be a good one on this circumstance.

What next?

Driving School. Driving License.

Well, goodluck to me!     


P.S.  Thank you, Ar..!! I love those Active Polar White Leguanos!!

 

First School Day

I survived today's first session "in the school"!

Yes, I am back to the books to becoming a Medical Coder!

First of all, I would like to thank you, my dearest Arnt, for driving me to "the school" very early today. It was the first time I was brought "to the school", and I felt like the happiest student in the city of  Bremen!  My heartfelt gratitude for showing me your love, care, attention, and your moral support on this new endeavour of mine.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that it would pave the way for us to be together soon! No more shifting schedules, weekends would be free, and the duty would not start at 06:00 a.m.!

The next twelve (12) weeks would be needing a lot of brain foods and water, and running exercises!

Books and gadgets..

My study desk overlooking Weser River in Bremen, Germany

Two's company!

The Learning Institution

Twelve weeks of learning and three examinations.....wish me luck, guys!

One foot after the other

Just close your eyes and run...and yes, smile!

The moment I thought I was the last one....

At the park. Running.

The first officially-timed 5km Run was accomplished. Six (6) weeks of preparation paid off.

I was able to hit the 35 Minutes Time Goal. I made it at 34.36 Minutes.

Not the last one though. Out of 258 participants, I garnered the 245th place.Thirteen ( 13 ) people were behind me. Most importantly, I was not the last one.

For me, it was quite a success.     

A year ago, I barely could walk because of backpains.

Now, I am running. Even finished a 5km-Run!!

What the hell is going on?

The reason is simple yet extraordinary. 

His name is Arnt.

The latter is running for several years now.  A finisher of several 10km. 20km. Marathon. 100km. 

My heartfelt gratitude, Arnt.  You made it possible for me to discover the fun and the passion for this running activity.

What a long pause...

This time I cannot make excuses for not writing for almost three (3) months!

Time I had enough. Thoughts? A lot.

Weeks passed swiftly. I wanted it that way. It is, as if I could not wait until 2017.

Unexpectedly, some things turned out to my favor, but paying due respect to the deceased, I would not elaborate on this. I am very grateful though.

As if, it is to compensate whatever have had happened in the past.

Now, I do not need to work full time for my living. Good for me and for my health. I can concentrate more on quality living rather than working for my existence.

To live a quality life - this is now my goal but wherefrom to start?

This is a question bothering me for almost three (3) months now, and I am yet to find the answer. Live alone just like before? Without commitments? Do things when and where I would like them to be done? Deciding promptly without the consent of others, and yes, plan my hours and days the way I like them to be?

Go back to Munich for a single life?


Leave Bremen and go for Böhme?

To the latter, there should be no other good reason than mutual love. 

Weeds Out Of My Mind

Hoity - toity....

Last week, I was in the midst of a forest somewhere in Lower Saxony spending my leisure time touching the earth, smelling the fresh scent of weeds and leaves, and was enjoying the company of a lovely and cuddly cat, and his owner - my heartthrob, who let me in his forest.

Yes, his own forest. 


I take it as a privilege and a gift that I can squander my free days pulling weeds and gathering deadwoods off the ground. It was just like getting the "weeds off my mind".


Seeing the outcome of a day's work gives me a feeling of satisfaction, a sense of happiness....  

Photo courtesy of  AF.

Photo courtesy of AF.

This barefoot trail project was the outcome of a wish and the determination to prove that things can be possible. Once started, the path was cleared step by step.

 It needs time and dedication, but at the end, we can say, together, we can pave the way.

It is my foremost and sincere wish, that I can continue walk along these paths, with him by my side.


    
 

"This Afternoon, with him, having coffee...."

So I quote...

Johnny Cash, when asked, about Happiness....

"This afternoon. With her, having coffee.."

Gracias!  A.M.F.

 

"Julia"

Buhay pa tayo....

Remembering "Julia"

How courageous she was. 

It takes a strong belief to leave one's spot for a cause, and she had that.

She was on the search for her right place under the sun.

And, she was successful in her own right.

She is being remembered.

There are times I would like to be "Julia"....


Just let my feet to take the steps and bring me to my own's nest, where I can finally say...

Done.

Here. 

Point.

Life Space for Dead Woods

Here we are...the beauty of the dead...

Shining through....

"Anger Management"

Five Point Zero Three Kilometers

Yesterday, I was out for Nordic Walking for fifty nine minutes and fifteen seconds not because of fitness training but to get rid of my anger and aggression towards someone who has not a sense of guilt, fairness, nor shame at all!


So mean! So bad. 

If I could only turn the tide twenty six years ago......

I was so naive to enter such a deal - a tying of the knot without respect and affection, just to be able to stay in Germany, and get a greener pasture.

I learned my lesson.I paid enough for these mistakes. I thought it has ended but the nightmares are still happening and I am beginning to become angry.

It is not fair. It is just of low moral standards.

"Being angry is the only luxury I cannot afford" - these words I kept telling myself when I was walking into the woods.

 I guess I shouted and cried out of anger. I was almost blank. 

What a luck Germany is Ten Thousand Three Hundred Thirty Kilometers away from the Philippines. Or else..... 

But NO,

It is not worth it. 

Waste of energy. 

But wait...one good thing: I marked my personal's best. So far.

And I hope, next time, I would do Nordic Walking for the sake of pure, and mindful physical training.

  

Simplicity Itself

When times get rough and when everything seems to go against me, I try to straighten my thoughts and try to discover facts and differentiate them from myths so that I could think clearly and positively.

In a complete tangle, I try to develop habits of practical thinking and withdraw any emotional reflections I have made upon a decision.

Sometimes I think I am hardhearted, and that, there is no feeling of mercy and forgiveness left in me.

Not after those mishaps.

This thought scares me. In my attempt to be solid to my decisions and convictions, I get a perception of a cruel heed - unforgiving and abominable.

Yet, at the back of my mind, trying to be sane and benevolent, it is simplicity itself, to say:

Dreadful deeds deserve vengeance.

A tribute to a running man...a.m.f.

Runchies or Rungry


Gait, Ragnar Relay, Fartlek

PR, Farmer Brow or "snot rocket"

Millimeter Drop, GU, Streaking

Bib, LSD, DOMs, The Wall, Bonk, Junk Miles

chicked, Body Glide, Dreadmill, OCR, "runners knee"

Bandits,  Hardware or Bling, Carb Loading, Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

Ultra, Foot Strike, Runner's High, Strides, Cadence, Lactid Acid, Ice Baths, Taper, DNF, etc.


Ja, the Running Lingo..

am getting interested in.

Because of amf.

Run, Fighter, Run!

Recuperation

Getting back to normal state of mentis et corporis after a couple of weeks full of dolere.

With yet stronger reasons..


from foot to head,

from what comes before,
from the beginning of time,

from the absurd,

from  what has happened,

from wandering to the point,


from pursuits to habits,

from sweats and struggles,

from flames and dangers,

from greed and misfortunes,

and from there, to the END.


From here on.

Take. Have and keep.

To many happy returns. 

I will either find a way or make one.
 

Resilience needed!

Backpains are here again, and am trying hard to remember those times when I was able to recover from this malady.

Dolor. It is only in my brain. And I have to get rid of it.

Tonight, I spoke with Mjean. Hearing her sorrows and troubles nowadays, my coccyx pain is nothing compared to what she is experiencing right now.

I am asking how a person could be so mean to someone? There is a kind of evil in such a man.

I just wish and hope she would learn to fight back. To never let him ever abuse her. Not even verbally.

She asked me which is better. Fighting against a dead man or a living one?

I assured her it is the same.

We have to try to take care of ourselves, so as not to lose our minds, and to take care of our health, or else, we would both end up losers.

Not to lose control of our impulses and emotions, not to lose confidence - that someday, these heavy rains would stop and we would find ourselves under a huge, pretty umbrella.

We will make it, Mjean!  
 

P.S. We are both lucky, though, to have somebody around, on whom we could lean our heavy shoulders on.

 

Five and Seven

Miscellaneous meanings of five as a number:

A human being - the limbs and the head.

Female number two and the male number three combination.

Thus, symbolizes man, health and love.

"Hieros gamos"

Sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch. The beautiful senses.

Leo - the fifth Zodiac sign.

Mercury.

Gemini and Virgo. Their lucky number.

Boron has the atomic number 5.

Limerick.

Starfish with five arms.

Earthworm with five hearts.

Basketball.

Quintet.

A music staff.

Olympic rings.

Chanel No. 5

A wood anniversary.

James Monroe. The fifth President of the USA.

Hamsa hand.

The Luther Rose.

David's five pebbles.

Great Lakes: Lake Eirie, Lake Huron, Lake Michigan, Lake Ontario, Lake Superior.

King for five days: King John I of France

Jack the Ripper  (murdered five women)

Bonfire Night in London

Epiphany Eve in Italy.

The month of May. Plus the number 7.





I am so grateful.... finally.

Topsy-turvy..

Tired, both mind and body... but cannot fall asleep...so what to do?

Right! Write.

But what about?

Dayum!!

Durcheinander...

Sometimes, life just sucks!

I aim not to sound disappointed.

Really, am I not.


Is this the indubitably place under the sun?

Or just another year of drifting around. Of no direction?

This is the one last try.  

A fine day along the Aller, Lower Saxony

Drifters....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Goodnight, everyone!

Eye to Eye Contacts

Katze

Mozzy

Kota glows...

Mieze

Cats are just wonderful creatures!

 

Containers and Crane

 Photo Courtesy of  a.m.f

 Photo Courtesy of a.m.f

 Photo Courtesy of a.m.f.

Photo courtesy of a.m.f

 

What a beautiful Sunday was yesterday!

I just needed to say "yes", as amf  asked me for a coffee to experience walking along the so-called "Überseestadt" in Bremen, Germany. 

It is quite unique as well as amazing.

The walk along those cranes and containers made me feel quite strong, standing before those huge steel constructions. Sunshine and blue skies gave me an impeccable sense of belonging to someone who can appreciate the beauty of those man-made edifices in Überseestadt in Bremen.